Before you read this entry, you have homework. (Am I allowed to do that? Assign you homework? haha... let's see!)
Listen to both these songs, specifically the lyrics:
"This is War" - Ingrid Michaelson [lyrics separate]
Done? Okay, read on...
Beyond learning that I'm a big fan of Ingrid Michaelson's music - you might also have been surprised to learn that while those songs had martial titles, they were actually about love, not war. Generally, love and war are very different things - sometimes, even treated as antonyms. As you may or may not know about me, I absolutely adore being given the perspective to look at something from a whole different angle. These songs do just that for me - look at both love and war from new perspectives, and see ways in which two seemingly different things can actually go hand-in-hand.
Beyond learning that I'm a big fan of Ingrid Michaelson's music - you might also have been surprised to learn that while those songs had martial titles, they were actually about love, not war. Generally, love and war are very different things - sometimes, even treated as antonyms. As you may or may not know about me, I absolutely adore being given the perspective to look at something from a whole different angle. These songs do just that for me - look at both love and war from new perspectives, and see ways in which two seemingly different things can actually go hand-in-hand.
War. In general, I am anti-war. I don't get too involved in politics for the most part (- mostly because politics is an overwhelming thing to me and I have trouble understanding/accepting opposing perspectives), but there are just a few things I do have a political opinion about. One is that I whole-heartedly believe in gay rights, and the other is that I whole-heartedly do not believe in war. I DO believe in fighting for what you believe in and defending the things you love - it's violence I'm opposed to - and I guess in my head, violence and war are synonymous. I hope I am not offending any of my readers in sharing my beliefs - and I will absolutely say that I appreciate the efforts of anyone who has fought in a war to defend our country. Unfortunately, I just don't believe violence is the answer. Call me a hippie, call me naive - this is just one of my own personal points of rebellion / a stand I will take.
Love? Love I believe in. This is not news to any of my readers :) One could say that I get worked up about love the way many other people get worked up about politics. To me, love is a life choice. Love - finding true love - is the absolute ultimate goal for me. Sure - career, shelter, health, fortune... those things are great, and I want them - but I'd live in a cardboard box if it was the means to the end of finding/keeping true love. I am not naive to think that true love, lasting love is easy. I alluded to that in a very recent entry. Probably in a few entries of mine. Love can be dark, it can be messy, painful, require sacrifice, choice... But I will always choose it, if I have a willing partner. But the greatest disappointment of my adult life is realizing how many people out there aren't willing to fight! The amount of people who are easily scared off, who give up before really knowing what they're giving up. I get upset thinking about it. All the WASTE of what could have been - more songs come to mind. Adele's "Rolling in the Deep," for one. Or even a lyric from a Seal song:
"In a world full of people, only some want to fly - ain't that crazy?"
I just can't understand anyone who doesn't see true-love-finding as a life priority. (Hence why I'm no good at politics). Every time I set my sights on someone, and they're not up for soul searching, the weary journeying... I get so upset. How can they not see the amazing reward awaiting the end of the journey, at the rest stops of the journey... How can that not be worth it to them? And if I set my sights on them, that means I saw the capacity within them - which makes it even sadder... because it's not that they're not capable, they simply choose to not. What a WASTE! What a loss. What a disappointment. What a sadness.
So much of my love life, to date, has felt like a fight. Has felt like me fighting to keep men interested, present, engaged. Fighting to show them that the battles are worth it. Or sometimes the fight is completely internal - and is about me trying to stop having feelings for someone that my head knows is a bad person for me. The age old battle of the head and the heart? You may think you know about that, but until you've been inside my skin - you have no idea how violent the battle can get. Those two Ingrid Michaelson songs? I've played them so many times on my iPod - I'm sure it'd be an impressive number if we looked. I can relate - I am at battle with my heart more often than not.
It's no wonder I'm getting weary. The years I've been at war are starting to become a significant number. I wonder... If I'm so anti-war, anti-violence... why am I allowing metaphors of violence and war to permeate my quest for love? Is it possible that all my fighting is preventing me from finding true love? Should I take my own political advice and strive for peace? And if yes is the answer to those last two questions, would I even know HOW to stop fighting, if I wanted to try that? After having been in war, can one ever truly return to civilian life? I honestly don't know if I can remember having been a civilian in the first place...
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